” Beware of the “safe” questions!”
I’d like to share with you a story that relates to being very careful around the idea of having safe questions, and not being prepared for strong emotional responses at all times.
I remember an actor being asked once, a very seemingly safe question about his career. He was an older man, had a great career both in Australia and overseas. And was asked this question of, “Wow, why didn’t you take this role overseas that you were offered? I always wondered that, it would’ve been a great role. It was at the height of your career, everything was fabulous. Why didn’t you take it?” The actor replied, after going white and sitting bolt upright and stiff – that he and his wife had just had a stillborn baby at that time. And so they decided they needed to return to Australia for them both to recover.
A really strong, emotional response. The interview stopped. Both the interviewer and the interviewee didn’t know how to handle this situation. They weren’t prepared for it and it had ramifications. This actor decided that he needed to talk about this with his wife again. It had been 30 years and they wanted to tell their adult children that this had occurred. And they didn’t know what to do with the interview. They didn’t know if they were going to release it, or if it was going to be destroyed, or if it was just going to have some more restrictions placed on it.
I’d like you to think about today is how you can prepare for the unexpected emotional responses to seemingly safe questions. So some of the things that you can do – you can reflect on your own responses to displays of emotion. Do you get really uncomfortable when someone suddenly breaks down, or you can see that they’re feeling traumatised? Do you shut people down? Do you want to make them feel better? “Oh stop, let’s make it okay. We don’t have to do this anymore. Here have some tissues, have some water.”
I have found that people appreciate being reassured that they can have time to regain their composure. And that they can continue, or they have the choice to stop, to have a break, and come back in a little while. Have your support systems in place before you head into any story seeking situation. So have a think about support systems that you have, support systems that the storyteller has in place, and what you can offer them. Forewarn storytellers, and reassure them that emotional responses are common and that you’re okay with displays of emotion (if you are!). Share with your storytellers your plan, should they become emotional. This includes giving them support phone numbers before you start, in case they leave abruptly.
I hope these tips help. I’ve put them in a graphic – feel free to save and share.
Check out our training page for upcoming workshops on safe and purposeful story seeking!
